Grief is an Ocean

My Grandmother died today. Which is weird. She has suffered from Alzheimer’s for so many years that it wasn’t unexpected and it wasn’t without some relief. But it is still sad. A disruption in the universe and all that. The truth is, though, she left years ago. The woman she was, at least. The woman I knew who spoiled me and bought me American Girl dolls (Addy & Samantha. Brunettes FTW)! and force-fed me chocolate by her pool.

Anyway. So I only have 1 grandparent left now. Which, at 31, is certainly not surprising. Maybe its even lucky. Life, etc.

In better news, my cysts are gone. I stopped BCP and I am starting Estradiol on Saturday! My lining check will be September 29 and we will go from there.

I am on track for an October transfer.

Also, Mr Upside came back from helping his parent’s move with a few items in tow. Baby items. Some special crochet alphabet signs and height measurer, hand made by his grandmother. And a rocking chair for a small toddler. It was adorable especially because they had been my husband’s as a baby. But it was also hard to see sitting in my hallway. I have certainly not allowed myself to have baby stuff around or even a baby room. Those adorable little crocheted marching bears- they would be so perfect for a baby’s room. A little boy’s maybe. One of our 5. I eventually had to hide those items because I didn’t want to feel the reminder every time I turned the corner. I can only hope we use them for our own healthy baby one day.


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6 thoughts on “Grief is an Ocean

  1. What a huge bunch of things to be dealing with all at once! I am sorry about your grandmother, and I know personally that even when we expect it, it’s still hard. All of our grandparents are gone along with both of our fathers, and it’s tough the older we get.

    Woot woot! All on the Estradiol train! Cheers! (I’m on it too right now, injection-style)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. […] Last September I lost my Gran. She was one of my biggest supporters ever- from when I was a little girl to when I was an adult. I was very close to her, and continued to be even through the cruelty of Alzheimer’s. She may not have remembered her relationship to me in the end, but her face always lit up when she saw me. […]


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