FET: On for Tuesday

I had my lining check and my progesterone labs done yesterday. My lining is still beautiful (it has historically never been an issue) and is at 11.9! My progesterone is low, too, at 0.4, so we are all set to go for Tuesday.

It almost didnt happen, due to an incredibly dumb mistake at my clinic. My nurse wrote that there were 31 DAYS IN SEPTEMBER, thereby creating a nonexistent day for me to take my progesterone. Had that happened, I wouldn’t have been able to transfer on Tues, and since I moved my work schedule around it, I realize that there was a possibility I would have to cancel. So that was RIDICULOUS, but it got fixed. I am still on for the 4th, like I had expected to be.

So anyway, it’s all happening.

Which is a weird feeling.

I haven’t even tried to get pregnant in a while- not since June and my July 4th period that came early. Since then everything has been gearing up for IVF and FET. So I haven’t so much as thought about pregnancy tests and all that hell in a few months. I can’t say I am looking forward to that stress all over again.

Yet I am hopeful. There certainly is a possibility that I will be pregnant- a good one. Better than half, they say, with PGS testing.I want to have a positive attitude while still maintaining a safe distance so that I don’t fall wildly from high hopes. The 2WW (or, in this case, more like the 10 day wait?) will be excruciating.


Anyway I am off for the weekend. Then I am taking a half day Monday for a spa day and then of course a half day Tues. I still don’t have my appt time, but I am sure I will be able to work around it.





So, I pushed my RE to test me for MTHFR. He did not want to at all. But, he acquiesced…

Turns out, I am compound heterozygous for the mutation. Meaning I have 1 copy of the mutation on 2 different genes. I am totally unaware of what else this is supposed to mean.

My RE basically said to take baby aspirin. And he gave me a referral to a hematologist. So, he went from not caring at ALL to actually giving me next steps.

The funny thing is, my pushiness got my friend interested too. She just got her results back…and she is homozygous (!)

How common is this? What does it affect?

Swallowing the Pill: Estradiol & Expectations

Mr. Upside can’t come to my transfer. He has a business trip that can’t be changed because it’s for a conference, not a one-off meeting. It’s very frustrating. He promises it won’t be like this forever, that this is the last of the year (till next June) and that he wants to be there instead. And I get it. I don’t want to make him feel bad over something he can’t control, and for a job that allows us to afford a lot of the treatment we pursue. He makes more money than I do. But I wish it weren’t happening this way.

He’ll be gone the whole week, so we initially thought we could move the day a day or two, but it won’t make a difference.

So I am *tentatively* scheduled for an Oct 4 transfer and I will be going alone. Which is not at all what I wanted, or expected. And yet I am trying to pick my battles. We decided we  could push it back a whole month, but I don’t want to. I have to realize I, too, am choosing this date– to go forward while he’s not in the city.

Anyway. Thank you for all your nice notes. My grandma’s funeral is next weekend and we’ll both be going up for that and spending time with my family.

Other than this, things are pretty status quo. I started estradiol in pill form yesterday. Two little blue pills a day until a week from now when I kick into into gear with THREE pills a day. I was scrolling through Instagram with the hashtag #estradiol last night to find others’ IF journeys and I realized half the people who take it are actually transitioning sexes, MTF. So it was funny and eye-opening. Of course that makes sense- it’s pure estrogen! I’m waiting to become EVEN MORE of a woman than I am now 🙂


Grief is an Ocean

My Grandmother died today. Which is weird. She has suffered from Alzheimer’s for so many years that it wasn’t unexpected and it wasn’t without some relief. But it is still sad. A disruption in the universe and all that. The truth is, though, she left years ago. The woman she was, at least. The woman I knew who spoiled me and bought me American Girl dolls (Addy & Samantha. Brunettes FTW)! and force-fed me chocolate by her pool.

Anyway. So I only have 1 grandparent left now. Which, at 31, is certainly not surprising. Maybe its even lucky. Life, etc.

In better news, my cysts are gone. I stopped BCP and I am starting Estradiol on Saturday! My lining check will be September 29 and we will go from there.

I am on track for an October transfer.

Also, Mr Upside came back from helping his parent’s move with a few items in tow. Baby items. Some special crochet alphabet signs and height measurer, hand made by his grandmother. And a rocking chair for a small toddler. It was adorable especially because they had been my husband’s as a baby. But it was also hard to see sitting in my hallway. I have certainly not allowed myself to have baby stuff around or even a baby room. Those adorable little crocheted marching bears- they would be so perfect for a baby’s room. A little boy’s maybe. One of our 5. I eventually had to hide those items because I didn’t want to feel the reminder every time I turned the corner. I can only hope we use them for our own healthy baby one day.