I have good days and bad days. After the previous week, which had been hellish, things got a little better. And then I got tremendous food poisoning. It was awful, but at the time, I was really in survival mode and had no ability to worry about my embryos and lack of success.
When that passed, I felt better but still a few times last week I was overcome with sadness again. I tried to get better right now by taking a bit of a break from work to watch some TV. What really didnt really help that yesterday, my coworker started all this bizarre and unnecessary drama with me, because she had some sort of misplaced sense that I was “stealing” the spotlight of her project, and it was really just an exhausting and awful situation. I don’t handle confrontation well, and after a few back and forths with her via email and phone, I finally had to call our boss to get him involved. He 100% backed me, but regardless of her being in the wrong, I HATE to have bad energy with ANYONE. Ugh. I am hoping things will get better. This is so not me.
I had my baseline on Thursday. For, what we decided what will be our ERA biopsy cycle. The baseline was all good, all clear, but it’s frustrating to know this cycle will only result in cramping/pain from cutting out a chunk of me, rather than a possible pregnancy. And still, if I am pre-receptive, I’ll do it all over again.
But this is the conservative thing to do to preserve my embryos. And they deserve it.
I met a new girl who also had her PGS embryo fail– I went to dinner with her and my IVF twin last Thurs. It’s a relief to know another person, even if what brings you together is shared pain. She is also going forward with the ERA this cycle AND she told me our lab will be shut down Dec 15-Jan 20!!! So if it takes us 2 biopsy cycles, we have no ability to transfer after that for another month! ARHHHHHH it is all so aggravating sometimes.
Well, more good news: I went in to see an immunologist who ran a huge panel of anti-thyroid, ANA, celiac, a bazillion other things and I came back completely clear. No immune issues on the tests! No anti-thyroid antibodies either! Even though I have hypothyroidism. I was shocked.
I am still going to see my demonologist on Wednesday next week to get started on prednisone, for my lichen planus issues. But it’s a relieve to know my levels of immune issues are normal.
I was also able to get a drink with a friend I am only now starting to get close with. She let me know, between drinks and my stories, that she had a miscarriage a month ago. It was still so raw for her, and she had barely told anyone. I hurt for her, but some sort of shame came down after telling me, and I know that sadly, I can relate to loss and grief and inability to feel normal around people with typical reproductive stories. So it had joined us together, and I know when we speak to each other, we won’t just be heard, but understood.
Thank you all so much for your feedback regarding the ERA. We feel confident that taking the next few cycles to do this will lead to more knowledge and peace of mind, no matter how hard it feels right now. For that I am grateful.